Just relax.

Just relax, that is the funniest phrase I’ve heard since we are TTC. Relax? Really?

Let’s see:

  • Day 1 one your period: call RE. Make sure they send the medicines to the Pharmacy.
  • Day 3 to 7: Don’t forget to take those little monsters each day at bedtime.
  • Day 10 until Ovulation: Don’t forget to pee every morning in the pee stick. We don’t want to miss the ovulation window.
  • Day of the smiley face: Hurry, let’s have sex! Stop everything.
  • 8 days after ovulation: Is too early, don’t test yet.
  • 9 days after ovulation: BFN, but there is still hope.
  • 10 days after ovulation until period: Hanging in there.
  • Period day: Oh crap. Cry (the first cycles, after a while you are used to it). Call RE. Start again.

I would love for the “just relax committee” to explain how exactly I can achieve that, lol. I would also love to learn how relaxing is going to help my body ovulate on its own (without the medicines).

I know most people are just trying to be nice. I’m mostly upset at the ones that understand the process and still say it.

PS: This was a venting post. Sometimes reading those TTC forums have that effect on people. 

Wait… what?

clearblueHello from cycle day 21!!!

The Holiday Season had me very busy and I forgot to give an update on this crazy cycle.

As I said before, I purchased the Clearblue Advanced Digital Ovulation test to see if it was different. I tested on day 14 and it was blank, as expected. Well, when I tested on day 15, I got the high peak smiley face. Not the flashy one, the steady one! I was surprised because I usually get my LH surge around day 18.

After researching online (always a bad idea), I found that most people think this advanced test is not as reliable. To make things worse, once the high peak is displayed, it stays there for 48 hours, you can’t test. So I managed to get a previous test device and I inserted the new test sticks in there and it worked, and I had my 2nd smiley face on day 16…

Tomorrow I’m going for the blood test, let’s see what happens.

Back to the OPK!

I know I said I was done with those but… I usually get the Clearblue digital packet with 20 tests (it’s good for two months) and it costs around $35 at Walmart. Well, since last month fiasco, I decided to get the Advanced Clearblue digital with cost about the same for only 10 tests!

The thing with this one is that you get flashy smiley face and permanent smiley face. So it’s supposed to tell you your fertility window instead of just the peak fertility day. Let’s see how it goes!

I opened my packet today (day 14) since I already know I don’t ovulate until the 18 or 19. Today it was blank, nada, let’s see what tomorrow brings.

AF is here.

question-2736480_960_720She is finally here. I have such a love/hate relationship with her. I hate when she comes, but at the same time I need her to try again…

The most frustrating part is that she came just when she was supposed to, meaning I did ovulate when I was supposed to, just didn’t get the smiley face. So I guess the lesson for the next month is to BD when I know I’m ovulating and to not rely only on those OPK tests.

The only logical explanation is that my LH Surge wasn’t big enough for the test to pick it up. But I’m just guessing, at this point I’m my own physician, since the real one doesn’t bother to contact me or reply to me…

Two more days and Letrozole, round 4, here I come!

Progesterone level.

My Progesterone level is back: 11.4 this month. Back when my RE was a nice person who replied to my messages, he told me that anything over 5 indicates ovulation. Of course, since I don’t know when the LH surge was, I’m not sure we BD in the precise days…

This Progesterone thing is confusing as hell and if anyone reading this know something about it, please share! Before starting treatment, my Progesterone level was 0.2 or something like that. After the first month of Letrozole, it was 5 something. Second month, 45 (which even I know is very high) and now we are on 11.4, which seems normal (?).

Here is a chart so you too can observe the variety of levels!

Progesterone

So I guess now it’s only time to wait for my period to start so I can do round 4 of Letrozole. It seems like a wasted cycle, but I learned the valuable lesson of not relying only on OPK tests.

Nada. Nothing. Rien.

Ok, I’m freaking out here a little… As you know, yesterday was cycle day 18 and I didn’t get  my smiley face. I was so sure it was going to happen, that I even re-tested in the afternoon.

Then I convinced myself that it was going to be today, and guess what? Nothing! So now I’m calculating how long after my period is over I ovulated the past month and it was 12 days later, so that means I could have the smiley face tomorrow. This month my period lasted a little bit longer.

Hopefully, that’s the case. But seriously, I’m freaking out!

Where is my smiley face?

Today is cycle day 18 and I didn’t get my smiley face. Just yesterday I was telling C (that’s my hubby) that I didn’t have the ovulation symptoms this month: no sore boobs, no low back pain and no egg white discharge. And for some reason, I wasn’t excited about ovulation.

Well, now that I didn’t get my smiley face I’m sad. What if I didn’t ovulate this month? That would be very bad news, since I’m taking medicine to assist with ovulation and so far, it worked.

I’m hoping I get my smiley face tomorrow. This morning I did have the egg white discharge that I have one or two days prior the LH surge/ovulation, so I’m hoping that I’m just ovulating later.

Gosh, I hate that I have to be so conscious about my body and the things it does. It only creates more anxiety.

Almost time…

… to start peeing on the stick again!

I’m on cycle day 10. According to my RE and almost everyone you have to start peeing on the stick and having intercourse every other day starting on day 10 up to day 20. Well, by now, I already know that I have my LH surge on cycle day 18. But still, I can’t not test because I don’t want to risk it. So the latest I’ve been able to start so far is cycle day 11. You’ll think that giving how expensive those tests are, I would be able to contain myself.

Since I have PCOS, I can’t use the regular ovulation test. I have to use the digital one with the beautiful and yet elusive smiley face. So it’s about $36 for a two month supply (20 tests). But somehow, I always manage to get one test done incorrectly, so I’m not sure the two month thing is working for me.

What I don’t like of this process is the stress it creates and the pressure. You know that when that smiley face comes, you HAVE to have sex. And that is not fun and that alone could kill the mood. And when you love and desire your partner, you don’t want to make him feel like a baby machine.

As I said before, this process could be exhausting. But I have faith in our love and in us and hopefully, the end result will be a beautiful baby.