IVF got this… (I sure hope she does, because I don’t).

ivfWell, here we are. The final stop in the fertility ladder. Or what I wish is the final stop…

We had our initial consultation at the CNY Atlanta office. I wasn’t impressed by the doctor, but I knew she was only necessary to “get in”, not for her expertise. We decided to do IVF on my next cycle (the one after the current one). After that, I was told to expect a call from the Syracuse office with further instructions.

What the Atlanta lady failed to explain to us is that after a year, you have to re-do all the tests. I refused another HSG (I’m allergic to Iodine), so I will be doing a Saline Sonogram instead (SHG). We are not re-testing my husband’s sperm because we already know he is not the problem. We also have to do a preconception genetic test (first on me, based on the results, he may or may not have to do it). Apparently, this is the best choice, because of my age, and I certainly prefer to do it on me than on the embryos.

The Atlanta doctor gave me a lot of supplements that I’m drinking daily. The IVF medicines are sooooo expensive. I didn’t have a clue of how expensive they are!

So, I’m overwhelmed, but I wanted to give a brief update of what is going on.

Until next time!

The unspoken truth.

Disclaimer: This post is not for everybody and contains information that some people may not like.

Let me start by saying that I understand this experience is different for everybody. But since this blog is therapeutic for me, I’m going to be talking about something that I suspect happens a lot more than we want to admit. Today’s topic is how our journey to conceive affects our sex life.

To begin with, there are few things less arousing that the phrase “we need to have sex today, I’m ovulating”. Yes, I know that foreplay exists and I know that you can leave it to the imagination, but after 12 rounds of Letrozole, you know that you have to try, even if it is 8 pm on a weekday night and you are both tired.

I’m also aware that Letrozole doesn’t have the same effects on every woman. For me, with the hot flashes comes the dryness. That on top of the unexplained cystitis that I’ve been suffering for almost 3 years. Then comes the fact that lubricants are not good for the baby-making process, so you do the math…

Now I’m working on enjoying life a little bit more, and trying to forget all the tests and days, and things like that. For example, I forgot that I was supposed to start tracking my LH surge today. It is hard because you want to follow the treatment, even if it hasn’t worked, but you also want to have a happy life.

My husband and I continue to be in love, and we still want to create a family, but this has been another thing we are learning to overcome as a couple. We talk a lot, we communicate, we try. But I wanted to put it out there in case that someone else is going thru something similar.

Life is not perfect by any means. We just need to make it work.

We went to Paris!

Not really…

For our 2nd NYE party, I decided to do a Paris-themed party. That was the theme that I wanted for my bridal shower (which I never did), so this was the perfect opportunity. It was a success!

I’m leaving some pictures here:

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PS: This is not a TTC post. I got my period two days early on December 31st, had to fight with a closed clinic to get my medicines, but nothing new has happened in that front.

Owning the process.

As I explained at the beginning of this blog, most people close to us didn’t know we are TTC. That’s why I don’t use my real name here and why I don’t use pictures. I guess a part of me is protecting us from the constant questions. Another part of me was ashamed, even though is not my fault. 

But lately, I noticed that I’m talking to people about it. People at work, family, friends. I figured that this is our journey. We listen to people going thru other difficulties. We offer words of encouragement. We are there to help. So now I’m open. This is our reality.

And it helps. The more I talk about it, the less it hurts. A weight is being lifted, and I feel free. Free to fight, to try, to get up every single time. 

 

First IUI.

So yesterday was our first IUI. We woke up early, had breakfast and then proceed to take DH’s sample. We rushed to the doctor, and we made it on time. They took the sample and told us to wait in the lobby.

After 50 minutes more or less, they called us for the procedure. The nurse asked me to verify the information and to lay down. The first speculum was too big, so she had to change it. After that, she had a little bit of trouble find it my cervix (my uterus is retroverted), and I had to cough a few times. Then, she cleaned the area with some huge Q-Tips. And then, she slowly inserted the catheter with the semen.

She said that I didn’t need to lay down for 15 minutes, that it doesn’t make any difference. I was confused because everything that I read said that. She told me that we had the room for as long as we needed it, so I was welcomed to lay down. But after 5 minutes I figured she must know more than me, and I got dressed. My husband went to work, and I came to mine.

The first hour was uneventful. Then I started to have pain, lots of pain. I had pain in my ovaries, my abdomen, and parts of my body that I don’t know how to describe. By the time I left my work, I had pain even walking. I’m going to assume that it was ovulation pain because of all the medicines. I took it easy yesterday night, and by today, the pain is so much better. It went from 8 to 4 in the morning. By now, is like a 2.

So now we just have to wait and pray.

A growing family.

No, I’m not pregnant.

As I mentioned before, I have a 16 years old stepson. His mom passed away this past Friday and he is living with us. He has a cat. We have little Luna. So we are trying to adjust the two pets to live together.

Life is unexpected. It changes in a second. The best we can do is try to enjoy it and give love to those around us. I used to be so busy with this fertility issue but at the end, it will happen eventually, if it’s meant to be.

Thanksgiving/Staycation/Almost time

WhatsApp Image 2017-11-27 at 10.33.52 AMI haven’t write in a few days because I’ve been very busy! Baby Luna is keeping me in a tight schedule.

I don’t get to many holidays at work but for Thanksgiving we got 3 days! We were supposed to go to Atlanta to meet my best friend’s new baby daughter, but I got a terrible cold and wasn’t so sure of leaving baby Luna at home so soon. So we didn’t. We were excited about going on vacation but that’s how life works.

But in a way, I kind of loved staying at home, enjoying my dear hubby and our new baby. She doesn’t let us sleep too much but I guess it’s good practice for when the baby finally comes.

On Thanksgiving we went to my cousin’s house. I have a big family and we try to spend all holidays together. This year was difficult because three sisters are not getting along, but hopefully that gets better in the near future.

On Saturday we drove to Orlando with my stepson. He is 16 years old and a very good kid. My sister stayed at our house babysitting (or is it petsitting?). We went to see La Nouba, by Cirque Du Soleil. I always wanted to go and they are closing on December 31. We ate a very spicy meal at House of Blues before the show (I ended up eating a hot dog at the Cirque).

The lady at the hotel told us that since we were staying for a night and live relatively close, we were having a staycation. Hubby loved the word!

And now we are back to reality. And I realized today is cycle day 16, which means I’m in my fertility window and I’m supposed to ovulate in 2-3 days. And I’m not excited. I don’t know why. I’m just not excited this month. I guess I’m protecting myself from the disappointment.

 

 

Luna

We got a puppy on Friday and I think it’s the 1st time in months where I’m thinking of something other than TTC. We named her Luna (that’s moon in Spanish).

She is perfect. She is 8 weeks old and a baby. She doesn’t like to be alone and she cries if you leave the room. She is spoiled but we love her.

Our family is bigger now and we know the future baby will love the furry sister.

Luna