Just relax.

Just relax, that is the funniest phrase I’ve heard since we are TTC. Relax? Really?

Let’s see:

  • Day 1 one your period: call RE. Make sure they send the medicines to the Pharmacy.
  • Day 3 to 7: Don’t forget to take those little monsters each day at bedtime.
  • Day 10 until Ovulation: Don’t forget to pee every morning in the pee stick. We don’t want to miss the ovulation window.
  • Day of the smiley face: Hurry, let’s have sex! Stop everything.
  • 8 days after ovulation: Is too early, don’t test yet.
  • 9 days after ovulation: BFN, but there is still hope.
  • 10 days after ovulation until period: Hanging in there.
  • Period day: Oh crap. Cry (the first cycles, after a while you are used to it). Call RE. Start again.

I would love for the “just relax committee” to explain how exactly I can achieve that, lol. I would also love to learn how relaxing is going to help my body ovulate on its own (without the medicines).

I know most people are just trying to be nice. I’m mostly upset at the ones that understand the process and still say it.

PS: This was a venting post. Sometimes reading those TTC forums have that effect on people. 

IVF got this… (I sure hope she does, because I don’t).

ivfWell, here we are. The final stop in the fertility ladder. Or what I wish is the final stop…

We had our initial consultation at the CNY Atlanta office. I wasn’t impressed by the doctor, but I knew she was only necessary to “get in”, not for her expertise. We decided to do IVF on my next cycle (the one after the current one). After that, I was told to expect a call from the Syracuse office with further instructions.

What the Atlanta lady failed to explain to us is that after a year, you have to re-do all the tests. I refused another HSG (I’m allergic to Iodine), so I will be doing a Saline Sonogram instead (SHG). We are not re-testing my husband’s sperm because we already know he is not the problem. We also have to do a preconception genetic test (first on me, based on the results, he may or may not have to do it). Apparently, this is the best choice, because of my age, and I certainly prefer to do it on me than on the embryos.

The Atlanta doctor gave me a lot of supplements that I’m drinking daily. The IVF medicines are sooooo expensive. I didn’t have a clue of how expensive they are!

So, I’m overwhelmed, but I wanted to give a brief update of what is going on.

Until next time!

The unspoken truth.

Disclaimer: This post is not for everybody and contains information that some people may not like.

Let me start by saying that I understand this experience is different for everybody. But since this blog is therapeutic for me, I’m going to be talking about something that I suspect happens a lot more than we want to admit. Today’s topic is how our journey to conceive affects our sex life.

To begin with, there are few things less arousing that the phrase “we need to have sex today, I’m ovulating”. Yes, I know that foreplay exists and I know that you can leave it to the imagination, but after 12 rounds of Letrozole, you know that you have to try, even if it is 8 pm on a weekday night and you are both tired.

I’m also aware that Letrozole doesn’t have the same effects on every woman. For me, with the hot flashes comes the dryness. That on top of the unexplained cystitis that I’ve been suffering for almost 3 years. Then comes the fact that lubricants are not good for the baby-making process, so you do the math…

Now I’m working on enjoying life a little bit more, and trying to forget all the tests and days, and things like that. For example, I forgot that I was supposed to start tracking my LH surge today. It is hard because you want to follow the treatment, even if it hasn’t worked, but you also want to have a happy life.

My husband and I continue to be in love, and we still want to create a family, but this has been another thing we are learning to overcome as a couple. We talk a lot, we communicate, we try. But I wanted to put it out there in case that someone else is going thru something similar.

Life is not perfect by any means. We just need to make it work.

We went to Paris!

Not really…

For our 2nd NYE party, I decided to do a Paris-themed party. That was the theme that I wanted for my bridal shower (which I never did), so this was the perfect opportunity. It was a success!

I’m leaving some pictures here:

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PS: This is not a TTC post. I got my period two days early on December 31st, had to fight with a closed clinic to get my medicines, but nothing new has happened in that front.

Owning the process.

As I explained at the beginning of this blog, most people close to us didn’t know we are TTC. That’s why I don’t use my real name here and why I don’t use pictures. I guess a part of me is protecting us from the constant questions. Another part of me was ashamed, even though is not my fault. 

But lately, I noticed that I’m talking to people about it. People at work, family, friends. I figured that this is our journey. We listen to people going thru other difficulties. We offer words of encouragement. We are there to help. So now I’m open. This is our reality.

And it helps. The more I talk about it, the less it hurts. A weight is being lifted, and I feel free. Free to fight, to try, to get up every single time. 

 

Public announcement.

Hello everybody! I know a few people around here have CNY Fertility as a backup option. I would like to let you know that the current waiting time for the initial consultation (either in person or by phone) is about 4 months. So plan ahead and be prepared 🙂

No No No

Guess who is NOT pregnant?

I wasn’t able to wait and I tested last night. And then again this morning. And then again with the digital test that I’ve been saving for over a year for my first BFP (that never happened). So there it is, good bye hope.

My husband never has a reaction to the negative tests. So it is a little bit lonely when I get the non-surprising news. I hold it together, but as soon as I got into my car this morning, I started crying. I didn’t know it was possible to mourn a baby that didn’t exist…

We can’t afford to do another IUI this coming cycle, so back to timed intercourse…

PS: I took a picture of the “not pregnant” digital test, but I decided that this post is sad enough as it is…