I’ve been very quiet because I don’t know how to express what I’m feeling. On Sunday I started the 4th round of Letrozole, one year and two months later after we started TTC. I’m exhausted and tired.
Sometimes you read that TTC can make a relationship stronger or create a strain on it. In my case, I believe is the 2nd. Don’t get me wrong, we are still madly in love, we care a lot for each other, but I’m not the same. I don’t have the same passion or energy or happiness, and I can’t have it because I’m sad. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I’m clinically depressed, but I’m really sad.
I think this process is harder on the woman. I can’t explain why, but I believe the disappointment that we feel is huge and sometimes comes with shame. And fear. And sadness. And more fear. And guilt.
I feel guilty that this makes me so sad when I know I have a wonderful partner and a good life. And I don’t want to focus all of my energies on the process, but I find myself doing it. I had to remove the pregnancy app that I had on my cellphone because I was spending too much time on the TTC boards.
This is not a good week. Until next time,
Ms. (where is the) Hope.